pointless ramblings

Found a quiet little place today. So here I sit tucked away in the top of the humanities building surrounded by the hum of computers, some quiet whispers, and a very funny looking student who keeps falling asleep and has been that way for about an hour now. 

I used to be one of those people that loved to be smack dab in the middle of a group now here I am trying to hide. Not quite sure when that changed.

 

It’s FREEZING here today. The high is 9 degrees ferenheit and it’s below zero with the wind chill. Schools are closed – not mine of course. hah. But, it is COLD! 

well i’m off to class number two for the day. Should be fun.

New Years

I’ve always loved the start of a new year, yet I have never been too great at making New Year’s resolutions. This year I decided that I wasn’t going to make one. I was just going to have a different goal for each month. This month it was getting up early – yeah well that didn’t go so well. I’m not going to call it a ‘resolution’ but, maybe more of an effort. I want to write more. I think I can clear my head and heart and think so much more clearly about things if I can get them out on paper … err website. so, expect more ramblings from me.

two posts – one day (what are the odds)

I’m finally doing something that I have wanted to do for a really long time. I’m taking time to just sit and think. It feels good. I have a candle lit and most of the lights off in my room. I’m sitting in my papsan chair and letting the thoughts flow and whatever emotion comes out with them, i’m going to welcome it. I do a lot of thinking on the run. Random thoughts hit me at the most inopertune times. For instance at work I’ll start realizing things about myself and I think hmmm good blog – and that I completely forget. 

I have this thing for words. i LOVE words. My favorite word is ’serendipity’ a fortunate accident. Every once in a while I get on this word fad and I will hear one word over and over and over and well you get the picture, A LOT. About a year and a half ago that word was ’simplicity’. I think I might be there again. I have this desire for simplicity that I feel again that I haven’t felt in a while. I want to declutter my life in every aspect. I have cleaned my room out {you couldn’t tell by looking at it right now but it is – kind of}, I am not in certain activities anymore because they will cause too much drama, I have switched churches for the same reason amoung others. Simplicity. the Beauty of Simplicity. There is a song by Telecast called ‘Beauty of Simplicity’. I cannot tell you how many times over the years I have listened to that song and sobbed. The words: ” the beauty of simplicity that brings me down to my knees, I’ll praise you for eternity Lord I love – because You you first love me.” Those words, in and of themselves, are simple. A simple cry of love and passion. 

That is what I am determined to make my life right now. There is so much stuff going on in it that I could get easily overwhelmed but, what if I just stayed on top of it and made sure to keep everything simple. Maybe that is my New Year’s resolution: Keep it simple, regret nothing.

New Beginnings

And so it alllllll begins … again. 

Four classes today. Feels like a lot. I have thirty minutes until my next class starts. I have already been to one. God is doing some crazy stuff in my head and heart, I’m a little confused about how this is all going to go down. 

I have already come to grips with the fact that this semester is going to be interesting. By interesting I mean challenging, I’m just trying to be positive. I have decided to lay down some things that are simply too much for me, at least for this semester. I have done a lot of praying and a lot of thinking about it and I know that I am supposed to be inactive. i KNOW that. But, I thought that meant I wouldn’t have to deal with confrontations that come along with being with certain people. God must have a sense of humor and some sort of plan that I don’t know of. He can’t give us more than we can handle though right…? 

I’m excited about the classes that I am taking. Four psychology classes and one humanities class. It shouldn’t bee too hard. We’ll see who shows up in the rest of them though. I’m going to have to find ways to focus just on the classes and let the drama of the life stuff not get in the way.

I’ve REALLY enjoyed having a drama free break. I guess I got too used to it. I refuse to get too caught up in it. 

My thoughts are all really scattered. I’m sitting in the cafe at school and there is SO much going on. So much for finding a quiet place to go. That’s okay though at least I’m wasting some time. 

Well fifteen minutes – I think I’m gonna be the dork that shows up super early…again. 

I’m stating it now — This semester is going to be different. I have the choice to let the crap get to me – and I choose to let it go.

Deliberate

mmm Sitting in that Starbucks again. Been here a few hours. I feel like this is my own personal side of the world, hidden from drama. Walk outside and it’s rainy and cold. But, in here it’s not. I can hide and people won’t find me. For me drama stops at the door. 

I was reading an article from Relevantmagazine.com earlier. It was from an issue a long time ago but, I had saved it on my computer and I now remember why. It’s called “Kill your iPod, Find your Walden”. the author was talking about how he heard this lecture about getting away from everything and having a break. He was talking about the idea that we are constantly entertaining ourselves. Everywhere we go there is music. Some people can’t think about driving 3 or 4 blocks without having music on. He went on to talk about how if we are constantly filling our minds with everyone else’s music and thoughts then how can we create anything our selves. He finished the article off with a qoute from Henry Thoreau’s Walden, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” 

That got me thinking so hard today. I am that person who has to have music. I study with music, I drive with music, I sit and think with music, I clean with music – that’s just me. But, what if I stopped everything around me and just chilled out enough to see what I could learn. What if I learned to live deliberately? How amazing that would be.